Skip to main content

REVIEW HAIKUS!!!! (#1)

Well, needless to say, I watch a lot of movies but most of them don't get reviewed on my blog because either a.) the movies suck too much and not worth my time, b.) were too mediocre or c.) not geeky enough. So in the interest of fairness, from now on, if any movies I watch fall into any of the above categories, I now reserve the right to write (homonyms yay!) short haiku reviews of the movies in question instead of a full fledged review. On to the fun! And here... we... go.

The Uninvited

Korean remake;
Was better than expected;
Not too much on scares.

Banks played a good bitch;
Browning pretty good in lead;
Kebbel is a babe.







The Day the Earth Stood Still (remake)

Shames original;
It tries to make a statement;
Felt very hollow.

Reeves was good in role;
Jaden... let dad do acting;
John Cleese was surprise.







The Spirit

What a crock of shit;
Waste of talented actors;
Lion's Gate, you fail!

Fell asleep for half;
Frank Miller, stick with writing;
No more films for you!







Punisher: War Zone

Tried to be Batman;
Acting... story... all were bad;
Marvel, stop this shit.

Action was gory;
And Stevenson looked the part;
There ends all the goods.

Comments

Kevin said…
Ha- this is creative. Not quite Shakespeare- but I like it.
Samuel M. said…
Your Spirit review was dead on. I was so disappointed with that. I went in KNOWING it was going to be bad, thus lowering expectations, and they STILL managed to be worse than my bottom-of-the-barrel hopes I had for it. I, too, fell asleep several times during the film and I wasn't particularly tired.

Popular posts from this blog

DTV Madness: Jack Brooks - M.S. and Gingerdead Man 2

Okay, honestly, I think this will be the last DTV post for a while. One man can only take so much shit. I'm only human, I have feelings too. These two movies pushed my limit. I'm going to be in DTV-detox for the next month or so.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

I thought that with a title like this, it couldn't fail. I thought that with a poster like they had, it couldn't fail. Then I realized something... I failed. I failed in thinking that this movie had any hope.

I was expecting some fun horror, mixed with comedy in sort of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer kind of fashion with a bumbling hero and smart quips. I mean, with a title like Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, was I wrong in expecting a variety of monsters get slayed as the title suggests?

It didn't help much that the monsters looked uber cheesy. They looked like something right out of a Power Rangers episode. But to their credit, at least they stuck with practical make-up and effects rather than CG.

The movie its…

R.I.P. Evan Tanner

The body of the professional fighter and former UFC champion, Evan Tanner, 37, was found in the Palo Verde mountain area of California on September 8th, 2008. He was found a few miles away from his campsite on foot, with no water, where the temperatures were around 110 degrees fahrenheit. The coroner's report listed the cause of death as from heat exposure.

Tanner left Oceanside, California on September 2nd. On September 4th, he sent a text message to a friend telling him that his motorcycle was out of gas, that he was out of water, and if his friend didn't hear from him the next day, to call the authorities. Unfortunately, Evan never returned home.

I'm not the hugest MMA fan, I consider myself a casual fan, and a n00b at best. I was listening to Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez of the Wrestling Observer Radio, and the story of Tanner's life sounded intriguing.

As fantastic as it sounds, Tanner ventured into the deserts in search of treasure and adventure. I kid you …

The Science of God

Not too long ago, two of my friends had posted their thoughts on evolution and creationism. Both friends shared similar sentiments on the topic (you can view Skylar's here and Keith's here). Coincidence or not, shortly before they made their postings, I purchased a book called The Science of God by Dr. Gerald Schroeder, which was based on the same topic. Unfortunately, at the time of my friend's postings, I had not finished the book, but now I have.

In The Science of God, Schroeder attempts to debunk the dichotomy that exists between science/evolution and creationism. He tries to show that there can exist a duality between the two and that discoveries in science actually prove the story of creation in the bible.

The book can be roughly divided into three categories that being the concepts of time, the second with the biology of evolution, and lastly the concept of free will.

In describing time, he focuses on the 6 days that are explained in the beginning of Genesis. Duri…