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Who's problem is it?


I’ve had a series of interesting conversations in the past 2-3 weeks, all with female friends who have described to me their life situations and relationships. With each story, a flag goes up in my head as one is similar to the next. To hear a story twice is okay, it’s not a big deal. To hear 5 or so similar stories in the span of 3 weeks tells me something is not right.

It’s been really interesting and eye opening as well. To summarize, each girl has been single – either for a bit of time or just recently. Each has the mindset of wanting to be in a relationship, so there is no doubt about their intentions. Yet, nothing has been working out. And the part that intrigues me is that in each case, it’s nearly for the same reason. The common thread between each situation is that they can’t find a proper guy that will step up to the plate to play the game. From what I gather, either the guys were too shy to initiate or do anything, or if they were in a relationship, the guys were flying by the seat of their pants, with no definitive goals or motivations. After hearing all these stories it’s made me wonder; is this a persistent problem or a growing trend? Why aren't we manning up?

Each time I’ve had these conversations, I couldn’t help but look at myself as my friends were talked about their situations. It’s made me reflect: am I similar to these kinds of guys? It’s hard to say since I’m not in a relationship, but I wonder if I’m part of the problem? I’d like to think not, but I think a bit of those characteristics exists in everyone, it’s just how prominent are they, is the question.

A friend suggested, perhaps it’s a biological sort of difference. Women are on different timelines than men. Ideally, they need certain things to happen within some sort of time frame, whereas we aren’t constrained to those same sorts of implications (or complications). Yet for a relationship to work, somehow that time frame and idea of a time frame needs to overlap.

During these conversations, I couldn’t help but sense some sort of frustration. I mean, in all cases, each person has a lot going for them – they are young, attractive, intelligent, talented, and so forth (the all important so forth!). But it’s just the one piece of the puzzle that they’re missing. And I believe it’s an important piece. However, frustration does not necessarily equate to hopelessness, and fortunately, all seemed hopeful.

Someone said to me the other day:

“At the end of the day, work is just work, it’s the relationships you have with people that make life matter.”

Romance or not, it’s true, it does help make life feel more alive. Later geeks.

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