Skip to main content

2012.... LOL!!!!

It's been over a week since my last movie review, and boy, what a way to get back into things.

LOL!!! This movie SUCKED!!!!#@$!!#$@#!!!!!!

But really, who's surprised? When the trailer first came out, I thought, oh cool, another low thinking, CG-littered, late season blockbuster. It could be fun. I later found out that Roland Emmerich was at the helm and abandoned all hope.

Emmerich doesn't exactly have the hottest track record. His last 3 movies before this was 10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow and The Patriot... all of them pretty much crap. In fact, The Day After Tomorrow is almost the same as this movie; a global natural disaster movie. I think the last movie of his that I enjoyed was Independence Day. I should mention though that they were playing it on TV not too long ago, I watched it, and unfortunately it doesn't seem to hold up with time.

In short, 2012 is about the world getting destroyed for whatever reasons. We follow John Cusack's family as they narrowly escape action scene after action scene. There's a happy ending. The end.

I think that's the biggest problem I had with this movie. It's a movie about Earth getting shat on by nature or God and yet it still has the balls to churn out a happy ending. Why couldn't it be a somber or ominous ending? I'd rather leave the movie sad yet contemplative than happy, thinking that John Cusack will one day rescue me if all this comes to fruition. Balls!

My second biggest gripe was how long the effin' movie was! It clocked in at over 2 and a half hours! I was just waiting for it to end but it kept on going. I think after the 1 and a half hour mark, I just stopped caring. Scenes were poorly knitted together with characters I couldn't give a crap about sending my brain into auto-pilot mode. I think I started daydreaming about wrestling storylines as I am wont to do.

Well, that said, I gotta give Emmerich credit; he knows how to throw money on the screen. Like with Day After Tomorrow, the best parts of the movie are when we get to see cities torn to shreds. It's just unbelievable and awe-inspiring seeing metropolises get swallowed up by the earth. But as I recall, the production budget for the movie was $200 million, which I'm sure is more than some country's GDP. Tis a shame. Think of the number of schools that this money could have built in third world nations.

Had this movie been 80 minutes of scene after scene showing major cities getting destroyed, I think I would have been perfectly fine with it. It probably wouldn't have been a great movie, but I think I would have enjoyed it more than the crapfest we were given here. Like I said, give me a sad ending with something to think about, and I'd be fine.

So folks, stay clear! For some inexplicable reason, it's still doing hot at the box office. Ignore all those knuckle dragging, mouth breathers though. You're smarter than that. Save your money. Go see Avatar. Or don't watch anything at all. There I saved you $10... now send me $5. Later geeks!



Comments

You didn't like The Patriot!?

Popular posts from this blog

Sam Raimi's Dragging Someone To Hell!!!

It's great to see Sam Raimi back in his form with his latest entry Drag Me To Hell . Simply glorious, it is a horror geek's dream. This is the Sam we all know and love from Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness , before he got all caught up in the comic book geek universe of Spider-Man . After 10 years (from the first time I watched Evil Dead 2 ), he has remained my favourite film director... although he did try my patience with Spider-Man 3 . I know this euphoria that I'm feeling now will be short lived, as even as I type this review, Raimi is already at work on the pre-production of Spider-Man 4 (yay?). So what is there to say about Drag Me To Hell ? This is the way a summer movie should be, touching on all those senses that make movie going an actual experience. There were thrills, chills, laughs and cheers; the way things should be! Drag Me To Hell tells a story of a young loan officer named Christine, who in an effort to advance her own career, has to turn down a

Dreamers, Achievers, Believers

It was quite a week last week. It started off on a more heavy note last Sunday, but as the week wore on, things became better and more clear. So let's do a little recap. This is going to be kind of long, so if you find this kind of stuff boring I've inserted pictures of funny cats for your entertainment. So... 1.5 Weeks Ago About 1.5 weeks ago, my friend Jon from Living Room gave me the contact info for his uncle. His uncle is an engineer and apparently was looking for new grads and new hands to hire. That week, I gave him a few calls but he wasn't there when I called him and when he returned my calls, I wasn't here either. We were playing phone tag that week *insert schoolgirl giggle*. Sunday Morning So last Sunday morning, his uncle gave me a call at 9 am (The morning! My weakness! HISS!) and we talked about stuff. I was telling him a bit about school as well as elaborating my work/coop experience as he didn't have my resume yet. So he goes on to tell

Lt. Aldo Raine wants his scalps!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed The Inglorious Basterds during its theatrical run and it's a shame too because I'm a fool for Tarantino movies. But I finally got to see it this weekend and I'm happy to say that I mostly enjoyed it. I don't think it's his best movie, but it was damned entertaining. The Inglorious Basterds takes place during World War II and tells its story by following three different groups of characters: from Lt. Aldo Raine and his squad of soldiers infamously known as the Basterds, Col. Hans Landa, a Nazi colonel better known as "The Jew Hunter", and from a young Jewish girl named Shosanna, who had her family murdered by Col. Landa. We follow the Basterds in their Nazi killing business (and business is good) as they lay out a plan to take out several high ranking officials all at once. We follow Shosanna as she operates her theater and lays down her own plans in exacting revenge on the Nazis. And of course, the "Jew Hunter" is hot on their trai