Welcome to the revamped Billionty-Oneth Geek website!

First of all, update your bookmarks and re-subscribe to the feed if you have to. I bought a domain name for my blog, and it's easy access (sort of) through www.billiontyonethgeek.com (I'm sorry that it's such a long address, but hey, here's a hug *hug*).

Second of all, you might have noticed the new layout. It's a complete Lam original! I designed it from the top down. It actually took a lot quicker than I had initially thought it would. Because the coding didn't show up properly on Dreamweaver through the GUI, I actually had to code the whole damn thing. Because my knowledge of HTML and CSS were so basic, it took a lot of trial and error. What's frustrating was that there would be times where I'd make a change in the code, yet nothing ended up changing when I uploaded the code. The weird part was that I'd block off the changes, then undo it, and somehow magically the changes appeared. I didn't understand a bit of it, but I was happy that it worked.

The layout itself is not super elaborate or anything because: a.) I wanted to keep it basic and b.) I probably wouldn't even know how to code it. I wanted to keep it brighter and not so dark unlike my last layout. It seemed kinda sad-ish with all the dark greys. I'm a happy guy and so my blog should evoke happiness. I have to thank my friend Keith (he's a graphic designer) for tips on how to make it look a better.

I'm still tweaking up the little things, so bear with me this next week or so as I get things fixed.

Anyhow, thanks for staying with me the past year and a bit. I enjoy writing this crap and am always joyed to read all your comments. The fun train is never going to stop! Stay tuned. Later geeks!

Categories: changes

Ah yes, the cartoon to movie spectacles continue rolling out! This month, one of my childhood favourites, G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra made its live-action debut on the silver screen.

The movie was basically one of their old school episodes made into a 2-hour full length feature. And just like the cartoon, there were wacky characters, a far-fetched plot elements and non-stop action.

There is not much to the story at all: the Cobra forces are after some deadly warheads and it's up to the Joes to stop them. I say Cobra forces, because that's what I know them to be from the cartoon, and I may be wrong, but I don't recall them once being called The Cobra in the movie. Was it just me?

At my most primal state, I think all I could ask for is big action, explosions, guns and car chases. I think that's why I enjoyed Transformers: RotF more than most people. And the same would be here, except I enjoyed Joe several more degrees than T:RotF, thanks to the lack of offensive characters and bad comedy. No, Joe skips over the bad jokes in loo of more action. And that's what this movie basically is; it's a 2-hour roller coaster ride with bright lights and big sounds. After the movie, I was talking to my brother trying to figure out why certain things happened and how they related to each other. We gave up thinking. I concluded that certain things happened so that we could see that big explosion or those cool vehicles.

The action when it happens (and it happens) is good once it hits the screen. It's not the greatest action scenes you'll ever see, but there are some memorable scenes (the first time we see Snake Eyes, the elevator ride down to Joe HQ, Storm Shadow VS Snake Eyes come to mind). I think what I liked most was all the different weapons, gadgets, and vehicles featured throughout the movie. It seemed they had a different vehicle for every situation. How crazy is that? It really reminded me of the cartoon. Much like the Transformers cartoon, the original G.I. Joe cartoon was used as a way of promoting new toys for kids to beg their parents to buy. Every episode you'd meet new characters, with new vehicles and bigger guns. They'd lure you in. I couldn't help but to think the movie was trying to do the same thing; introduce as much toys as possible so that kids would buy it. But it's too bad that kids don't really play with toys these days.

I'm really glad that they kept the plot over-the-top and unbelievable, much like the cartoon. Had they gone for a more realistic plot, I think the movie would have seemed very vanilla in the end. The best thing that I liked about the story is that the movie was never about just one character. Even though there were 2 or so main characters for the Joes, it was always about the team. Every character had a certain role they had to play and each person was equally important for the missions. So in a way, the movie really represents G.I. Joe values; it's not about the individual, it's about the team. With that said, Snake Eyes must be one of the coolest characters to ever grace the cinematic big screen. I would not be adverse to a spin-off movie starring him... and Scarlett (*blush*).

However, all the love aside, there were a few things that I didn't like. First and foremost would be the shoddy CG work in some of the scenes. The movie had a $175 million budget, yet some of the effects looked so amateur (the last few scenes and desert scenes come to mind).

The second is more plot-wise and I'm going to revert to wrestling mode to explain an effective storyline. In the wrestling world, effective storylines would often last for months. The bad guys would always have the advantage and dominate over the good guy, to build up more tension (heat) and drama. The big payoff comes at the end of the story when the the good guy will finally triumph over the bad guy, and the crowd goes wild because the bad guy finally gets what he deserves. The good guy should never have the advantage during the buildup of the storyline. Case in point, in G.I. Joe the good guys were never really at odds or in peril here. The match-ups and fights always seemed pretty even and many times it was the good guys that had the advantages. This brings the drama and the tension down in any climatic scenes.

Lastly, and probably more of a minor issue, is what they did with the Baroness' character. I don't like the backstory they give her (which was no doubt made to reach a broader audience) and what eventually happens to her. As I remember from the cartoons, both her and Destro were always such villainous and despicable characters.

Of all the Stephen Sommers movies I've seen, I'd have to tie G.I. Joe with The Mummy Returns as his best movies. It was also a nice surprise to see several of his regulars make an appearance, including the likes of Arnold Vosloo, Kevin J. O'Connor and one big one! I'm not gonna spoil who he is, but he's the most famous one and I just had a huge grin when he appeared on screen (actually I think I had a huge grin for most of the movie).

Anyhow, wow! This turned out to be a longer review than I originally intended. So my recommendation? Turn off your brain and go see it for 2 hours of fun action. Later geeks!



Categories: action , g.i. joe , movies

So this movie basically ruled. Finally, after a summer of cinema crappiness comes a great movie.

It's too easy to spoil plot elements from this movie, so I'll keep the story as bare boned as possible. So about 20 years ago, an alien mother ship broke down on Earth and of all places, came to a halt right above Johannesburg, South Africa. The alien colony settled in an area of the city called District 9, monitored by the government. After years of occupation, D-9 became a slum, and a group named Multinational United (MNU), were hired to move the 1.8 million inhabitants to a place called District 10, several kilometers away from Johannesburg. The movie follows a field operative named Wikus who becomes the leader of this eviction program. On a routine operation, Wikus becomes infected from an alien substance he finds from one of the slum's huts. The rest of the movie follows Wikus as he discovers what he's infected with and as he seeks a cure for his disease with the help from some aliens.


What's unique about the movie is that the first third of it is shot in a documentary style; using clips from interviews, news footage and CCTV cameras. The subject of the documentary is on Wikus, where they speak of him in such a manner that alludes us to something grave that may have happened to him. In all the interviews they do, they speak of Wikus in a past tense, which was a great way of building up the mystery and the eventual reveal.

The movie then switches gears and becomes more of an action movie. Shooting with the shaky cam with South Africa as the backdrop really gave it a raw and rugged edge, a very visceral style. It felt like we were right there with Wickus in the middle of the action. It also helped that all the kills within the movie were so gory. I am a gore hound, I don't hide it. I loved all the exploding bodies and flying heads. Still, in the end, it was the documentary portion of the movie that had me gripped. It was a very original way of setting up the action portion of the movie. I also liked how they left it open for a sequel, with a few unresolved plot points and even the mentions of District 10.

The movie was directed by a young and relatively new director named Neill Blomkamp. This was his first major feature and quite a success. That he was able to make this movie on a $30 million budget is another impressive thing about the movie. In its first weekend, it already recouped its cost, so that can only be good news towards a hopeful sequel.

The film was produced by Peter Jackson's Wingnut Studios. I only bring this up because Blomkamp and Jackson were originally attached to Microsoft's Halo movie. In fact, Blomkamp directed a short movie to show what his Halo would of looked like. I'm not sure of the facts, but the two sides eventually went their own ways. Microsoft even turned down Steven Spielberg who was interested in the movie. You know something's awry when you turn down someone like Spielberg.

Anyhow, this was a great movie. If you haven't already seen it, do yourself a favour and go see it. I've also attached the Halo short film below for your viewing pleasure. The style is almost the same as District 9, which is not a bad thing at all.

Until next time, later geeks!

Categories: action , district 9 , movies , sci-fi

It was quite a monumental night in the world of mixed martial arts this past Saturday. It was the first ever female headlined MMA event held by Strikerforce. It was an exhilarating bout between the two most famous and popular female mixed martial artists in the world.

I'm not a huge MMA fan, just a casual fan but there are fights that I get pumped for, notably any events that have either Brock Lesnar, George St. Pierre, or Gina Carano fighting.

The fight came down between the Brazilian, Cris Cyborg, who specializes in Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Cyborg, the more skilled fighter and favourite to win the match, at the age of 24, possessed a record of 7-1 going into this fight.


Clearly the fan favourite (at least at the arena), America's own Gina Carano, 27, who also trains in Muay Thai with boxing, went in with a 7-0 record. Carano has been basically the poster girl for the female MMA sport. With her stunning good looks comes also her brutal talent in the cage, but would it be enough against the more skilled Cyborg.

Right from the get go, Cyborg dominated the fight with lots of shots and a few takedowns. Carano appeared a bit more fearful and played more defensively. The fight was scheduled for five 5 minute rounds, but it was clear at the 3 minute mark that they were gassing out, and unlikely to make it to the second round.

With about 10 seconds left, Cyborg got on top of Carano and laid down some hard ground and pounds to Carano's head. Carano laid her side, turtling, trying her best to hold out until round 2. However with less than 1 second left in the clock, the ref stopped the fight as Carano didn't respond with any defense, giving Cyborg the win by TKO.

It was quite an exciting fight to watch. People that were there at the fight said that it was electric and that everyone was on their feet the whole time during the main event. They also said that Carano was the biggest star of the night, receiving the most reactions from the fans.

However, new questions arise at the conclusion of this fight in regards to this female division of MMA. With the top two fighters already having battled, who would be the next challenger to Cyborg's championship title? And what of Carano? One scenario would be to build her up for a re-match, but would it have the same luster?

Attached below are two videos. The first video is just a short promo video that Showtime released to promote the fight. The second video is the actual match. If you've have 5 minutes free, check out the match. See the intensity! Later geeks!







Categories: cris cyborg , gina carano , mma , women in mma

The second of a two-part segment as promised. I gave a thumbs up, thumbs down, and thumbs in the middle between these 3 movies. Lam Test: without reading further, can you guess what got what?

Bruno

I was pretty disappointed with this movie. I loved the Bruno character in the Ali G tv show. Back in second year university, me and my roommate would play random episodes of the show and friends would congregate to our room to watch the antics of all his characters. I had high hopes with this movie, as I loved Borat and was hoping this movie would achieve similar levels of laugh-out-loudness. It had good moments, but they just weren't as sustaining.

There's not much of a story. It's basically Sascha Baron Cohen playing his gay character trying to become more famous in the US. He has some pretty funny scenes with Ron Paul (or Ru Paul so he thinks) and Paula Abdul. I think the funniest moment for me was a scene where he tried to be a straight guy while at a swingers party. One of the attenders was "dealing" with his subject, while Bruno stared at him and requested that the gentleman look into his eyes. LOL.

I think what detracted me from this movie was the number of scenes that were scripted. In Borat, his interactions with the common folk were what made the movie so great. It could be that Borat had as many scripted scenes, but they made it in a way that it seemed more "real". In Bruno's case, it didn't help that so many celebrities were in it which made it seem all the more disingenuous.

While Bruno was a more polished movie, I thought Borat was an infinitely more funny film. This may have been because Borat is a more sympathetic character than Bruno. Borat doesn't seem to understand when he's doing something wrong, whereas Bruno doesn't seem to care when he's doing something wrong.

(This movie got the thumbs down.)


Crank: High Voltage

Crank: High Voltage is the product of the video game generation. Everything about this movie is as campy as one of those wacky action video games (something like Crackdown comes to mind). They even use tons of visual cues within the movie to remind us that this is something like a video game. This is the sequel to the 2006 sleeper hit Crank, and in this movie, they Crank'd things up tenfold. This is a movie that was on ecstasy.

The movie picks up where the first one left off. Someone's jacked Jason Statham's heart and he ends up chasing gangster after gangster looking for it. That's pretty much it for the story.

The movie is action scene after action scene, there's barely a dull moment. Statham is fitted with an artificial heart that requires electricity every now and then, and he experiments all different sorts of ways to charge himself up. Everytime he charges up, it's like hitting the Nitro button in a Need For Speed game. He basically goes apeshit in Los Angeles, much to our delight. This movie made Grand Theft Auto seem grounded.

What's amazing about this movie is that they shot it with a bunch of handheld HD video cameras (the type you can buy off the shelves at Best Buy or Futureshop) to keep the costs low. I think I read on AICN that in any given scene, they had 5 guys running around Jason Statham just shooting. So basically, you too can shoot a movie that looks like Crank... although you might need some post-production skills. The movie is all eye-candy onscreen and I couldn't believe the quality of the movie given their tools.

I had a lot of fun with this movie and if you're willing to turn off your brain for an hour and a half, then check out Crank: High Voltage.

(This movie got the thumbs up.)


The Last House on the Left (remake)

Another remake of a Wes Craven classic (there's more to come apparently). I saw the original Last House on the Left a few years ago, and I liked it, but didn't love it. What hurt it was the low production value which made it look like a 70's porn movie without all the sex, although it could be that their budgets were similar. (Trivia Note: I read an interview with Wes Craven a few years ago, and he said something to the degree that he did direct a few porn movies early in his career when he was a nobody, but under a pseudonym).

In short, here's the plot as provided by IMDB: "After kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang led by a prison escapee unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging the parents of one of the victims -- a mother and father who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics."

So this movie is basically what the 1972 version would look like with millions of dollars in budget. It's virtually the same movie except for one HUGE change they made in the plot.

Much like the original, the movie gets your adrenaline flowing when the parents realize what's happened to their daughter and exact their plan of revenge unbeknownst to our band of criminals. What I really love is all the grisly kills we get to see in this movie. The kills are brutal, bloody, vicious, and creative; something that lacked in the Friday the 13th remake. However the downside is that since there are only so many characters, we are limited to the number of kills we get to see. So I guess they make up in quality rather than quantity.

I think it was a huge mistake to make the HUGE plot change that they did. I'm not going to spoil what it was, but it's for this very reason that we feel for the parents and really get behind them as they go about with their revenge.

The movie is also unfortunately forgettable. It's a remake so it doesn't reinvent the wheel, but at the same time the quality looks and feels like any of the other horror remakes that studios have spewed out in recent years. There's nothing that really grips you and says "holy shit, I'm not gonna forget that!".

The only other thing to note is that I love Tony Goldwyn who plays the girl's father. He was so good in playing a dick-bad-guy in Ghost with Demi Moore, and also received such a bad-ass kill in Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. I hope he gets more headlining roles in mainstream movies.

So check it out if you want, you're not really missing something if you don't.

(By process of elimination, of course this movie gets the thumbs in the middle. Thanks for playing.)

Categories: bruno , crank high voltage , movies , the last house on the left

I'm behind on a bunch of movies, so this week will be a two parter for Review Roundup. Kinda sucks, cuz I wanted to do standalone reviews for a few of them, but I know they would of been backed up. Anyhow, here we go.

The Hangover

After a bunch of duds (School for Scoundrels, Starsky and Hutch), director Todd Phillips returns with the drunken comedy The Hangover. If you're a fan of his other hit Old School, then surely you'll love this one. The studio was so confident that this movie would be a hit that they already planned a sequel before this movie was even released. Luckily for them, their predictions were correct: The Hangover is now the number one R-rated comedy of all time.

You've heard the story by now: group of friends go to Vegas for a bachelor party weekend, lose the groom over night, search ensues for the missing groom. What makes the movie fun is that although its a comedy movie, underneath it all, it's a mystery movie. Every scene our party of friends receives a new clue that brings them closer and closer to finding their buddy. Lace that with some wacky hijinx and you've got a great movie.

The breakout star of this movie was clearly Zach Galifianakis. Zach plays Alan, the groom's future brother-in-law, who apparently has some mental issues (a "reh-tard" as he might say). Its his character that provides some of the best moments in this movie.

In the end, I think The Hangover was better put together thanks to a better story, but I liked Old School more because of its goofiness and zaniness.


Obsessed

What a shit movie. This movie is basically the 2009 version of Fatal Attraction only not as good. Basically Ali Larter's character is hired as a temp for Idris Elba's company. For some unexplained reason, she becomes Obsessed with him (see what I did?) and tries to seduce him over and over. As he resists all her attempts, she becomes much more aggressive, leading to an eventual separation between Elba and his wife, Beyonce Knowles.

The movie was dumb because there was zero motive for Larter's character who is the focal point of the conflict. From minute one, she's already Obsessed (I did it again). We can't get behind any characters because we don't understand why they're doing what they're doing.

We're supposed to sympathize with Beyonce because she's the more homely woman, and they convey this by keeping her au naturel through the majority of the movie (but she does get a hot little dress later and make-up... rawr). Ali Larter is quite the onscreen eye candy. She never looks bad in this movie, that sexy mink. But it's just too bad we don't believe her character.

In conclusion, don't watch this movie.


Observe and Report

On the flipside to the shittiness of Obsessed, is the great Observe and Report by Jody Hill (of The Foot Fist Way), the second comedy of the year featuring a mall security guard. This movie was probably not for everyone, but damn hell, it was for me. The humour is dark, vulgar and obscene, exactly the way I like my comedies.

The movie follows a mall security guard named Ronnie as he tries to track down a flasher at his shopping mall. As he goes about his daily routine, he tries to impress Brandi who works in the mall while trying not to get upstaged by a police detective who is hired to help out on the flasher case.

Some of the stuff in here I can't believe they got away with (the last scene comes to mind first). I heard it was a hard sell to the studios when they were making this. Apparently, Warner Bros. wanted them to cut the film to make it PG-13, but Hill and crew stuck to their guns, and thankfully Warner Bros. grew some balls and stuck with it too for the hard R rating.

The cast for this movie is pretty outstanding, featuring the likes of Seth Rogen, Ray fuckin-Liotta, and Michael Pena. But what really solidified this movie for me was a cameo by my comedy hero Danny McBride. He's only in a short scene but I just ate it up.

If you, like me, hate that kid friendly Paul Blart comedy stuff, then check out Observe and Report.

Categories: danny mcbride , movies , observe and report , obsessed , the hangover

Don't adjust your screen or rub your eyes, you read it right the first time. Transmorphers: Fall of Man. Hot on the heels of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen comes this direct-to-video summer mockbuster. Much like the first movie, this movie was strategically released on the same day as it's bigger budget counterpart in an attempt to either profit from the robot movie popularity or from the dyslexic.

The story is basically about a bunch of alien robots who secretly arrive on earth and who lay dormant until woken by an electrical jolt, where they then try to destroy mankind in hopes of dominating the world. Of course, a ragtag band of humans come together in hopes of curbing the robot's big plans.

Apparently T:FoM is a prequel to the first movie, but I was completely unaware as I (un)fortunately didn't see the first one. The plot obviously borrows much from the Transformers movies. But the ripoffs don't stop there. In the final scene, the main lead makes this speech that is almost word for word, the speech given by John Connor from Terminator. I was rolling with laughter during this scene because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I'm sure there's also a hundred other movies that this movie stole stuff from.

The movie stars some of your favourite actors too. Talented thespians such as Bruce Boxleitner, Jennifer Rubin, and the incomparable, Shane Van Dyke. This movie did not cheap out in casting the best brand name actors. I'm not going to rag on their acting skills because frankly... they were Oscar worthy performances.

So was I entertained? I guess that depends. I didn't fall asleep while watching it, and that's always a good sign. I think this movie made me laugh more than it should of, which is how I stayed awake. It was just so ridiculously bad that I found it entertaining, but certainly this was not a good movie by any stretch of the word. Some of the shortcuts they used were so noticeable too, but I can't fault their low-budget operation. My favourite has to be the CG robots. First of all, they looked shitty. Second of all, they filmed it in such a way that we see the robots from an angled view upwards, so that we'd see the robots from the torso up, with only the sky being a backdrop. The shortcut here is that since we don't have any frame of reference on the ground, they can simply just reuse these shots in any of the scenes that required a robot fighting outside. Comedy!

In the end, I can't condemn or praise this movie anymore than I can with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Both movies basically accomplish the same things: action, cheap dialogue, no story. But in this case, at least the budget was probably 100 times smaller... but then again, the profits were probably also 100 times smaller.

If you really want to watch this movie, it's out on DVD now. On second thought, just don't watch it. But DO watch the trailer that I attached via Youtube below. Before I leave you, I'd like to quote one Youtube commenter on this video:


Glorious. Spoken like a prophet. Later geeks!




Categories: dtv madness , ripoffs , transformers , transmorphers